A collection of Haikus by Zoe Carlson and a touch of Publius Claudius Pulcher
Wish I could rewind
So I could kill cicero
And save Rome from doom
Roman Rev is great
I wish I could take it again
The best class ever
Oh how I will miss
Publius Claudius
Pulcher does it best
If I was roman
I Would be a general
And slay all my foes
Now I cry Sophos
As my senators speak up
Tears stream down my face
Call me Catuluss
The way I write a Haiku
Could inspire Rome
Hot
its body against mine
Ropes
its arms and legs tied
Handcuffs
its hands stuck
Underwear
its taken off
Eyes
that never looked away
Trust
that one can rely on
Lean in
Feel his sweat
Acknowledge trust
Enter him
Oh Hybrida, my former brother
I would have done anything for you
If you killed your father, I would have jumped into the sack for you
Into the cold river, I would have let the dog tear out my achilles
The serpent my eyes, the monkey my face
If it were a crime unspeakable, I would have taken the fish and radish in your stead
If the tyrannical vulture came for you, I would have let it eat out my heart before it touched you
Us, we were partners, friends, brothers
But, as if Cicero had is own special Fascinum
He took hold of you, corrupted you, stole you from me
With his dark magic, he convinced you to betray me
Taken from me, who served with you as consul
Betray ME, who gave you his own law from his back
What god have I wronged, what ritual neglected, which rite ignored?
Like Lucretia, I lament for the loss of purity, our purity
I never thought you would let Cicero be our Sextus
Why must I anguish so? The stoics,
They say to revel in every challenge, to thank god for every obstacle,
To not be consumed by the actions of others, for they are ignorant of right and wrong
But, you, you know right from wrong
You are not a stranger, you were my brother
But now, you are gone, I cannot recognize your face
Our eyes, you refuse to let them meet
The words leaving your mouth sound foreign and strange (except when you stole my law that was pretty familiar).
Your hands move in ways I’ve never seen before
You have left me, and with you, have taken my heart and soul
A thief is what you are
First introduced by Alexander the Great
For their size and power, elephants were used in war
Some armies surrendered or accepted their fate
Because war elephants could kill 10,000 or more
However, this military technology was not embraced by all
The Romans refused to use elephants in any way
A free republic would never play in a monarch’s game
Unfortunately, the men in the Roman army did fall
Their men were trampled as they ran away
But out of the darkness and bloodshed, honor became the republic’s name
Gaius Antonius Hybrida was born in Populartown, Italy. His father had high expectations for him, but not for singing. Hybrida came from a long line of extremely famous soccer players. Most of his uncles, cousins, and ancestors played in many great teams including F.C. Barcelona, Liverpool F.C., and Manchester United. His father, Marcus Antonius played for F.C. Barcelona but unfortunately he passed away three years ago. He left all of his possessions to Hybrida. Many wondered why he did that because Hybrida was known as quite the party boy, having been kicked out of boarding school in the States. These fears only became reality when the fund was depleted by Hybrida’s lavish mansion parties. One day Hybrida’s great uncle has a very serious conversation with Hybrida demanding he get his life together and return to play. Hybrida previously had stopped playing, grieving from the death of his dad. He promised his great uncle Sulla who had played in Liverpool F.C. that he would go back to training and try to get on the Manchester United team. Hybrida did keep his promise for a couple of years and got on the Manchester United team. In reality he never really enjoyed the sport, he was more into it for the money and the fame. He was quite good at the sport and was highly sought after, but Hybrida realized that he could get the most money and do the least amount of work with the Manchester United team. While in Manchester United, Hybrida becomes the most infamous party boy the tabloids have ever seen, getting the nickname Bachelor Brida. Hybrida says that he hates that nickname but in reality he likes the fame it brings. A well known name brings Hybrida even more fame and even more money. He played with one of his best friends, Cataline but unfortunately one of the people he hates, Cicero, just got traded to Manchester United and replaced Cataline as first forward. Hybrida wants payback after Cicero stole his famous model girlfriend. Nevertheless, Cicero is smart and is not past playing dirty on and off the field. Hybrida fears that Cicero might accidentally tackle him in a practice scrimmage. Also, Cicero generously provided Taylor Swift tickets (Hybrida’s favorite artist) for Hybrida and his mom. Cicero also helps Hybrida after practice with defense and they play one v ones. Cataline keeps warning and chastising Hybrida for hanging out with Cicero. Cataline also is under supervision for being a concospirator potential money laundering scheme.
Lucius Sergius Catalina You dance around pretty Like a ballerina But you should be condemned Let me issue your subpoena Cuz while you’re cute on the stage You kill to win in the arena Fides? You have none Veritas? Yeah right son What is your virtue? Making the republic sterile like a nun When I procreate I procure Praetors Quaestors and Consuls While your progeny Should get proscribed And get cut out like they’re tonsils I’m like the coin man I make change Call me a catalyst And I make a high rate Off my hate Irate like I’m Catullus I can’t quit, Catiline I can’t copy your antics You’re just obsessed with power And you chase it so frantic You act so pure You act so pedantic But you’re stirring up a scandal To make the people panic Yeah you scandal-plagued tyrant You’re like Odysseus’ sirens Cuz you speak well and have charm But alarms should sound as you cross the horizon You want to reach the high rung Become consul and get that power But you supported Sulla’s terror So it’s you who should cower Your heart has poor taste Your virtus is so sour You claim to be for the people Yet their dignitas you devour You’re an elephant in the room You’re the greatest showman You’re a danger to us all You’re an ugly omen You pretender for the people You Populares You’re a hoe and a heathen Yeah you’re truly a hostis You slept with a Vestal Virgin And you thrive on your corruption You abuse your power and murder family But claim to be the people’s champion? Thumbs down Cut you up Put you in a sack to drown With snake, monkey, chicken, and pup I hate you and all you stand for I think you are scum I think your bloodline should be ended We should cut off your cum Romans lend me your ears I need your attention Catiline tries to attain force But we need his force’s attenuation And it needs to come quick Before the light of the Republic is undone We need to stop this bum Before his moon eclipses our sun
Like a pierced cherry pie I put a spear through your eye Like the carnage from Carthage At the battle Cannae You try to stare me down But I hold my penis up You try to snare me, what a clown I won’t get cursed by such a chump You’re red You’re bloody Watch your dignitas and pride Cuz while you were in forum Man, I ran the Capitoline! You try to come for me But you’ve got a weak nomin I’m like tribunal veto, I shut you down Yeah I simply say no, man I know you wanna be prestigious Like a praetor I know you wanna make your mark Leave a dent, leave a crater But you should really watch What you say sir Cuz you speak like a Greek Not a Roman Orator Your dreams of prestige Will leave you on the pavement prostrate While the men who are truly pro-state Examine your prostate You want to litigate And legislate And mitigate troop migration But I tell you you’re just a headache Yeah you’re a real migraine, son You wanna be a consul or a censor But I’ll censor your fate So if you wanna deflect my curse Why don’t you go back home and masturbate
Reneging on your promise of work!
How could one possibly cope with an imbecilic jerk.
I see your smile Brian.
Be careful with that, as people are dyin’
From Your lyin’.
I see you for what you are,
And gladly, it’s something I can’t par.
This work that you gave me is not fun
But after this we are done.
I will make a funeral pyre
To memorialize the words of a liar.
This is a poem that I based off of Catullus. I thought some of his poems were funny although a little derogatory. As a result, I decided to create a Catullus-like poem but removed the harsh insults that he would use. I wanted this to be a sort of comical type thing. As I don’t really know how to do meter well, I kept to a simple rhyming scheme with the last word of each line. Also, one thing that I feel I should mention is the name Brian. I happened to just pick one, more or less at random, and was not specifically targeting anyone for anything. I just so happened to use this name in my poem.
From the start, Epicureanism gave me the thought that it was a philosophy dedicated to restraint. While seeking pleasure is the main objective, emphasis on a natural and simple path towards securing it counts just as much, if not more. The saying ‘you can’t have it all’ jumped into my head as I read the basic principles of Epicurean philosophy because of the continued repetition of knowing your limits and advising those of the belief to only open oneself to the desires that can be immediately gratified.
My initial perception of the life of an Epicurean was not too positive as I felt that it seemed a constant battle of defending your morals to others that reduced it to hedonism because of them labeling pleasure-seeking as immoral. Adding on, ambition doesn’t appear to be valued in the realm of Epicureanism due to it falling under the category of desires that can be twisted into something more materialistic or greedy, which would overcome anyone and cause them to lose their way. This statement in particular is something I’m not in agreement with because ambition is an important characteristic that pushes people to improve their current situation and not settle for the average case. This works wonders for the overall advancement of society and the progression of technology. Of course, in the time of the Roman Republic, too much ambition in the hands of power-hungry nobles and warlords led to its downfall and countless bloodshed. Still, while I had my reservations about Epicureanism, I was ready to experience its philosophy.
I started my Epicurean experience by noting how the poster of my favorite band (hanging on my dorm wall) along with the cute mushroom light-up charm that my friend gifted me, and my group of cool pens that I’ve collected over the years were beautiful as the scrapbooking activity guided me to write down. To continue the day, I looked more closely at the trees around campus, which have been bare from the winter cold, and observed how the petals have bloomed and brought a splash of color to the otherwise green, rustic scenery I’ve been accustomed to these last couple of months. I’d say that when comparing the two lists, I’d typically let objects that I see everyday fade in the background to the point where I forget they were there until they left. By going through this activity, I took a small moment out of my daily routine to look around and really notice my surroundings and see how they’ve changed or stayed the same since I’ve last paid attention to it. It’s these little moments in life that create reflection and fill me with gratitude for the things we have now. I would definitely say that appreciating the small things that I wouldn’t normally bother sparing a second glance to is a comforting form of mediation that lends credence to Epicureanism philosophy.
Following my week as an Epicurean, I’d say that while there are some true benefits in following this belief, I can’t help but lean more toward the Stoic philosophy (which I practiced first). My own beliefs and perspective of life align closely with that of Stoicism because the implementation of self-discipline and faith in fellowship are virtues I highly value. Of course, both stoicism and Epicureanism preach for the same simple, good life, yet they diverge in how to get there. While a Stoic is about balancing yourself with nature, an Epicurean will believe in living in the moment and meeting your necessary needs in a manner that will leave you content and without more want. Overall, I would try the experience of being an Epicurean once more if given the opportunity because of the moments of gratitude and positive outlook on life one receives.
Over the Alps with Elephants
Over the mountains they came, to our shock
The army scrambled to our positions
No one thought to guard the alps, just the dock
As we reached the slopes, we saw our mission
Up high they loomed, above our formation
Pride replaces fear as I stand in line
My brothers join me, guarding our nation
Arrows begin to rain down, it is time
As we clash swords, our unpreparedness shows
They break through our line, our end could be soon
A distant rumble, a trumpet, a horn?
Elephants, monsters, our impending doom
The beasts close in, we are crushed, we are done
There is only one thought in my head: RUN
